too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
