is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
