I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
