My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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