there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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