College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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