Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
