I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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