it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
