My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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