My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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