I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's never too late to be topless.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
