One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
