You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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