I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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