I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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