two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
