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it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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