eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
