it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
