I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
