No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
