Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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