I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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