the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
