the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
dude. I can hear the air.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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