My Higher Power is John Stamos
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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