I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
