I hate all girls vehemently.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
