nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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