i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
