Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Small penises have feelings too.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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