Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize