I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We left an ass print on the piano.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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