is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
