If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
