I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
