my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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