You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
