Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize