I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
