They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
