I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
