So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
