i don't like sucking hair
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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