cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
