We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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