Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
