Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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