Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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