HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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