Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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