Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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