party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
