first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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