had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
