you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Even my vagina gasped.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
