Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
