"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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