y did u give ur computer a hand job?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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