I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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