WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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