I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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