I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
