Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
